I don’t often write about personal things here, but I thought I’d share something that happened to my mom recently.
Last week, on a train trip to visit me, she collapsed unexpectedly. She didn’t feel ill, and she had already walked up and down the train a couple of times for exercise on the 8 hour trip. However, near the end of her trip, she said her legs gave out.
The conductor helped carry her off, my husband and I called 911, and we went straight to the ER. Many tests and several days later, we were told mom had suffered from “broken heart syndrome.” When the doctor who performed the catheterization told me, I felt a flush of emotion, my eyes watered, and my own heart hurt.
We know she has a broken heart. My dad died three years ago, and mom has grieved silently ever since.
Though she felt no pain, mom must have found the travel stressful. She’s been home resting and will stay on heart meds the rest of her life. We’re happy her situation was not more serious.
Many people find it difficult to write or speak about painful feelings, my mom included. My sister and I laugh because her favorite saying is, “I’m fine !” Strong, definitive emphasis on “fine.”
But let’s be honest. I have trouble articulating my feelings, too. So I write to make sense of the world, my world. Flushing out emotions clears the view.
Lately, I’ve been trying to refocus, change the shape of the words that spill out. But I guess I’ll let them continue to come as they may.
Perhaps it’s even healthy.