Most of my years of blogging have been about starts, stops, and beginning again. (Here and here.)

This fall has been no different. I am finally coming out of months of not feeling well. After so many appointments and tests, which are not quite finished, I have realized how much my emotions play a role in my health.

For 15 years, I’ve carried guilt, shame, and anger. I’m not going to go into details here, but I’ve realized how toxic it can be. So now I am practicing some self-care- again. Daily journaling helps. Meditation helps. And hearing others’ stories on various podcasts helps.

Baby steps.

Lately, I’ve been feeling much better. But I’m not going to fool myself into thinking all is well. Here is what I wrote ten years ago about the same topic! Life is complicated. Emotions are complicated. Humans are complicated. There will be darkness, and there will be light.

And I will be ok.

“Maybe you have to know the darkness before you can appreciate the light.” – Madeline L’Engle

This fall I decided to make many appointments. I wanted to try to resolve some health issues I was having.

I wasn’t experiencing anything major- a little dizziness, a few headaches in the morning, a sore tooth. Anyway, each appointment meant a followup. And so on and so on.

When I was close to finishing the appointments (finding nothing huge, by the way), I fell. Yup, right on my knee. And it’s taken me three weeks to not limp! I was determined not to make another appointment, so I’ve babied it, iced it, and basically not slept well.

My exercise plan was shot since I couldn’t really do pilates or power walking. So this morning, I am beginning again. Because at my age, any break in the routine sends me backward. I’ll be gentle with myself today so I don’t re-injure the knee. But I need to stretch and move before I become frozen.

Just when I thought I was getting back into shape, I am starting over.

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What I am reading/listening to:

Curable App (A different approach to your pain)

The podcast that goes along with Curable: Tell Me About Your Pain

Faith After Doubt by Brian McLaren because, well, there’s lots of doubt.

Make it Maya Such a sweet, funny young woman who shows easy vegan recipes. I’d be a vegan just because of her videos!

Update: My fun and kind-hearted pilates instructor reaffirmed to me this morning my leg pain is probably a tendon and will just take time to heal. Nevertheless, it was good to move.