I was talking to someone on the beach today.
“I’m getting antsy,” she said.
I paused a moment, thought, and realized I am perfectly comfortable, calm, and present. Our days here are slow and restful. We eat breakfast of oatmeal and fruit on our porch watching this gorgeous water, wander down to the beach with our books, take a walk or two, come back for lunch of salad and hummus, nap in the afternoon, more walks, and then find somewhere to go out to dinner. Tonight we are going to a local restaurant, Coco Bistro. The outside area is filled with palm trees and tiny white lights, tables are spread out to give diners space, and the service is impeccable.
These days, I don’t feel guilty. I am not anxious.
It has taken me a long time to get to this place. David once said early in our marriage, “don’t you ever sit down?” I didn’t. I couldn’t. I felt guilty if I wasn’t rushing around doing something “productive.”
No longer. I love peaceful days filled with nothing.
This time has helped me find a flow, a natural flow, that I need to nurture. I’ve always called myself an introvert, but being here has cemented how important it is for me to spend quiet time alone. Not only do I need calm, I also need an environment that speaks to me. I need colors and textures that make me say, “ah.” Putting this into place won’t be too hard. When I look at how I live, I am halfway there.
For right now, though, I am going to float through the next few days. This feels perfect. Needed.