Spending the first Christmas without Mom …. and I don’t know how to describe it. I remember feeling resentful last year. Angry that she didn’t have a memory of our lives. Frustrated that she wanted certain things I couldn’t give her. And tired of the time it took to care for her.

And yet, I miss her desperately. I miss her smile. Her love of Clemmie. Her care of the grandchildren, even if she couldn’t remember their names. I have photos of us cooking together and sharing a Christmas morning of gift giving and breakfast.

Once Dad died, she was a different person. She missed him so much. And I think she believed she would see him again. So in many ways, I am not sad. She lived a good life, and we will say her name often as we recount the memories of a life that mattered.

This pandemic has made me so much more aware of that. I do believe I am learning, finally, to appreciate what I have. So many trivial issues and affronts just don’t matter.

Let us adore our families, cherish our friends, and live our lives.