The Journal

thinking, writing, learning

Ten Years

When I was about to turn 60, I decided I should start a blog for 60-somethings, a journal of sorts to remember and share what I was going through. I couldn’t believe I was that old! Well, I think I managed one post before I abandoned it.

And now I am about to turn 70, which sounds about as old as 60 did ten years ago. The only thing that’s changed is how I look at the world, myself, and my relationships.

I will continue sharing what I’m learning here. I can’t wait until I am almost 80 to see if my topics have changed. Somehow I envision lots of posts about getting older, and that’s ok because that’s where I am. That 18 year old, sitting by the side of the road in Amsterdam with a loaf of bread and a hunk of cheese, thinking she was all that and more, had no idea how her life would turn out. There have been many dark times, moments filled with regret, days when I wondered if I was losing my mind. And yet here I am, excited about this next decade and feeling grateful for all I have in my life.

Minute by minute. Hour by hour. Day by day.

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end.–Gilda Radner

Stay tuned.

Healing, with help from my brain

Sometimes the chronic pain or anxiety is caused by, well, something not physical. And how you think about your pain makes a huge difference. I was a people-pleaser from way back(many of us are). But in my old age, I’ve been amazed to learn how much my need to please is really a way to avoid fear (long story from my childhood). What I’ve discovered is that avoiding fear or trying to tamp it down, often creates physical ailments that accompany that fear. Headaches, nausea, anxiety, vertigo, acid reflux).

Far too often I pushed the fear away and resorted to other ways of trying to deal with it. This podcast captures what I’ve learned about my brain! I purchased the Curable app last year, listened to almost all of the podcasts, and worked through the app elements. I also read The Way Out, by Alan Gordon and Alon Ziv, which was a huge help. Now I have a basket of skills to call on when I sense the fear and pain (or anxiety) is on its way.

I’m not a doctor. I know people in pain might think this is just one more person saying it’s all in your head. But there is too much evidence that for some people this works.

I’m not fully healed. After all, I’ve been reacting to situations for nearly 70 years, and brain pathways are difficult to change after that long. But I’m so much better. Frankly, I don’t have any expectation to fully heal. However, knowing where this is coming from helps keep the fear and pain at a minimum.