Learn, Think, Write

Organizing myself online

Even in Winter

enjoying the barrier beach

We escaped from winter in Virginia to winter in Rhode Island, though people who know me, know the trip is not about the weather. I consider this place home, and I need to check in every now and again. My son’s family decided to come along, and his daughter Annie LOVES the water.

When we made a quick stop to see the beach, she asked if she could put her feet in the water. 30 degrees!! But she did, and she came back with a huge smile on her face. As long as I am with them, I will never say no to a passion or interest.

Today it is raining/snowing, and we’ll do crafts at the dining room table.

I am enjoying each moment.

Holidays That Last for Days

When you have an extended family, celebrating means day after day after day! But one good element of this pattern is being able to spend quality time with each family. I have also come to know that love is the tiny moments. Pat Schneider was a poet who had a profound impact on me. This is her poem, “Lessons”

Have good lessons this holiday season.

LESSONS
Pat Schneider

I have learned
that life goes on,
or doesn’t.
That days are measured out
in tiny increments
as a woman in a kitchen
measures teaspoons
of cinnamon, vanilla,
or half a cup of sugar
into a bowl.

I have learned
that moments are as precious as nutmeg,
and it has occurred to me
that busy interruptions
are like tiny grain moths,
or mice.
They nibble, pee, and poop,
or make their little worms and webs
until you have to throw out the good stuff
with the bad.

It took two deaths
and coming close myself
for me to learn
that there is not an infinite supply
of good things in the pantry.

Home Again, Home Again

But where is home?

When people ask where I am from, my answer is: Rhode Island. But I live 3/4 of the year in Virginia and have for more than 45 years.

It’s complicated. I have a love of all things New England, and I find the peace and solitude of my grandmother’s house to be just what I need. People have asked why we don’t move there full time. But our kids are all in the VA area (or close enough to visit), and we have friends and a history here, too.

So we “wobble” back and forth.

I do wonder how long we will be able to keep this up. Packing and unpacking, a horrible 9-hour drive, forgetting things and having to rely on friends in both places to keep us going, and simply the stress of living in two different places will eventually get to me.

Until then…..

Summer learning:

I am writing poetry inspired by my friend Donna’s photography. We have much in common, and we are finding those links in our work and conversations. What a joy it has been…

Learning to sleep again is a challenge. I seem to get a system that works for a while, but then I need to shake things up. For the time being, one of these and two of these help.

My favorite podcast lately is Pulling the Thread with Elise Loehnen. Her most recent with Estelle Frankel has me searching for Estelle’s book.

Now it’s nap time– the effects from the booster vaccination must be kicking in!

The Waiting

I thought I would be ready for this.

After being with my father during his death, and the long grieving process I’ve gone through with my mother during her Alzheimer’s, I was sure I could handle this.

But losing a parent is never easy, regardless of circumstances or relationship.

We are keeping vigil, watching Mom slip away from us. She has wanted this for some time, so I am settled and accepting. Yet, there are moments when I kiss her forehead or squeeze her hand that I am fully aware it may be the last time.

“So it’s true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love.”
― E.A. Bucchianeri

 

And it’s over

The holidays.

I suppose that’s the wrong attitude, but despite the lovely gathering of family and another of friends, I found this season difficult. Some is the slow grieving that accompanies the loss of mom as we know her. And the rest is the introvert side of me that seems to be taking over. I love seeing people in small groups, but I find large gatherings stressful, intimidating .

But I have to say, when I see this photo of all of gathered, my heart is full. This doesn’t happen often- ever? So, the day was special to this mom, grandma, daughter, wife.