The Journal

thinking, writing, learning

Search Results for: starting over

Steps Toward Health

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Most of my years of blogging have been about starts, stops, and beginning again. (Here and here.)

This fall has been no different. I am finally coming out of months of not feeling well. After so many appointments and tests, which are not quite finished, I have realized how much my emotions play a role in my health.

For 15 years, I’ve carried guilt, shame, and anger. I’m not going to go into details here, but I’ve realized how toxic it can be. So now I am practicing some self-care- again. Daily journaling helps. Meditation helps. And hearing others’ stories on various podcasts helps.

Baby steps.

Lately, I’ve been feeling much better. But I’m not going to fool myself into thinking all is well. Here is what I wrote ten years ago about the same topic! Life is complicated. Emotions are complicated. Humans are complicated. There will be darkness, and there will be light.

And I will be ok.

“Maybe you have to know the darkness before you can appreciate the light.” – Madeline L’Engle

The Waiting

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One of the benefits of getting older is realizing that one has less time ahead than behind. I am beginning to come to terms with that.

The other realization is we can’t wait to “be picked.” Actually I learned this almost 12 years ago, when I first began finding and then creating community online. Nearly every opportunity I’ve had– professionally and personally– has been because I reached out and said “why not?”

Whether it was starting my running blog in 2004 and finding myself in a solid community of supportive runners, or reaching out to an online teaching community and spending years learning and growing together, these moments when I say “pick me” usually result in a fantastic experience. Most recently I made a connection with Mary Anne Radmacher, and we are going to partner on a small project. As Mary Anne says, “everything is possible.”

Not every opportunity comes to fruition. But that’s ok, too. Because if we never try, we may wait forever.

I’ve not always been the first to put my hand up. As an introvert, my tendency is to hold back and hope someone finds my work. But over the years, I’ve been able to put my discomfort with being discovered aside. Rejection isn’t easy, for sure. Nor is failure. But I know if I want to move in a certain direction, the only one who can get me there– is me.

It’s a cultural instinct to wait to get picked. To seek out the permission and authority that comes from a publisher or talk show host or even a blogger saying, “I pick you.” Once you reject that impulse and realize that no one is going to select you–that Prince Charming has chosen another house–then you can actually get to work. ~Seth Godin

 

From Here to There

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Do you ever feel like you are heading off in too many directions? October feels that way to me.

And, yet, for some reason, it also feels right.

I will be leading two digital writing workshops for the Virginia Association of Independent Schools this month, one for teachers of younger students and the other for those who teach middle and upper school. Collegiate School in Richmond, Virginia has asked me to work with faculty interested in project-based learning. And I continue to develop programs for my writing studio, including a new Tuesday night workshop starting next week.

Oh, yeah. There’s also edcampisva, a professional learning opportunity I’m helping organize.

I’ve just returned home from a week in Rhode Island with my mom, who had knee replacement surgery.  The quiet time left me feeling inspired to write. And sign up for a class, which starts Monday.

And, somehow, my husband and I managed to commit to activities each weekend this month.

Have I mentioned a six-week boot camp at our gym? It’s a killer.

All this actually feels good, and I’m not complaining. But I know myself. I need to stay organized and focused, allowing time for my introverted self to breathe and be alone, too. A frenetic pace doesn’t work for me, so I’ll put time in each day for journaling, listening to music, and taking walks.

And art. I’ve started playing around with acrylics and color.

Fall has always meant a new beginning for this teacher. Even though I’m not in the classroom anymore, it sure feels like fall to me.

 

Who is this person?

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People who have been reading my blog for a while must be scratching their heads. She’s turned off comments, she’s not focusing on edtech, and she’s not writing regularly.

That’s all true.

But I am thinking, working, and positioning myself for what’s next. After reading for months about creativity and the brain, I decided I had to venture out, do more than sit in front of my computer all day.

And so I have. I’ve been meeting in an artists’ group with my friend Elizabeth. Don’t you love the sound of that? An artists’ group.

Each Thursday, we gather in Elizabeth’s studio to explore our creative side. One woman is working on miniature oil paintings. Another hauls in a bag of various textures to continue a collage that might help her envision life after retirement. And I, I started to draw.

Using a variety of pens, markers, and papers, I have been working on what it means to sketch. The drawings are rough, but I plug along. I’ve watched myself move from “I can’t do that” to “I’ll try”–and I think of my students.

For a change last week, I decided to switch to a different medium. Elizabeth introduced me to watercolor painting. She explained the difference between wet on dry and wet on wet, and helped me learn how water shapes and moves the paints around on the paper.

Glorious.

As I painted, I kept thinking about my grandmother, a wise woman who left school after eighth-grade. Yet she painted, wrote books, and fished off the Rhode Island coast with my grandfather in the coldest weather. Though she loved her family deeply, she kept a life of her own–a creative life that she shared with her grandchildren. I remember her in the plays we performed in her yard, the books we read on her couch, and the paths we followed in her well-tended garden, searching for treasures she purposely left for us to discover.

These days, I am pushing myself out of my comfort zone working on the Second Journey.

Oh, I’ve also decided to participate in NaNoWriMo, and I’m already behind. I’ve changed the plot line of my novel twice, and now I think I’m starting again–this time a nonfiction piece about letting go.  I’ll get there. No stress.

 

 

 

Where are you looking?

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Look into my eyesphoto © 2008 Look Into My Eyes | more info (via: Wylio)
The UPS truck slowed down in front of my house today. I listened for the “Knock, knock.”

My books had arrived. Though I often choose to read on my Kindle App, sometimes I really want THE Book. Like the Complete Artist’s Way, all 700 pages of it, which I will dive into tomorrow.

Another one in the stack today was Practically Radical, by William C. Taylor, co-founder of FAST COMPANY magazine. I picked it up, starting from the back. This chapter jumped out at me:

Where you look shapes what you see

Isn’t that true? We strive to make changes, but if we look where we have always looked, if we listen to voices we have always heard, we can’t see the possibilities.

I have chosen to add a variety of blogs to my RSS feed over the years. They are not all about education. Some I read for the message, some for the fabulous writing, some for the inspiration.

Take a look:

Re-educate Seattle: A blog written by an administrator at a charter school. He wants to change the world.

Harvard Business Review: Speaks for itself

Buried in Wires: Teaching writing in the digital age

Full Circle Associates: Nancy White’s company about connecting and learning, collaborating online. Much more.

15 Axioms: leadership

White Hot Truth: crazy stuff

Life is a Verb: inspiration- she asks: what would I be doing today if I only had 37 days to live?

Beth Kanter: because I learn a lot from her about nonprofits and social media

sacha chua: I like her transparency

Brene Brown: researcher with an authentic voice who talks about imperfections and strength

These are among the 307 blogs I currently subscribe to. The variety keeps me thinking about how the rest of the world works. We all need to look beyond our comfort zone, don’t you think? And sometimes, we still come back to where we started: read Study for the Essay Questions