Learn, Think, Write

Organizing myself online

My Introverted Self is Way Too Happy to be Alone

Photo by Jeswin Thomas from Pexels

I’ve been telling people the pandemic hasn’t really bothered me because I am an introvert.

Normally, I am a balanced introvert. Friends come over, we attend parties, and we take trips. And, I’ve learned when I need some alone time or have scheduled too many visits, I need to say “no.” When quarantining became our way of life, I slid into the mode easily. I set up new routines to get through the day: coffee and reading in the morning, printing or putzing around the house before lunch, walks with the dog and naps on the couch in the afternoon, wine late in the day in front of the fire, dinner by candlelight, and then my favorite shows on Netflix or Hulu at night. I’m fine, I said to my husband. But then I realized I was enjoying this way too much.

Now I’ve had both vaccines. I am starting to see opportunities for gathering. I’m making plans for travel. And I’m feeling nervous and slightly anxious about all of that.

What? Not happy? Not grateful to be able to see others? Of course, I miss my close friends and family. But I have this sense I’ll have to dig out of my safe, quiet place of solitude. I know if I don’t, I may just stay here. It’s too comfortable.

Why isn’t that ok? Experts know that being alone comes with its own problems, regardless of your age. Our children and teens and have suffered from being separated from their friends and activities, and elderly show more signs of dementia and health issues when isolated. Studies show that death comes earlier to those who don’t maintain social connections.

So I am making plans to join society. Like a bear in hibernation, I am getting ready to emerge. Bears probably have it easier because they are hungry! But I need to say “yes” on occasion, and I need to be intentional about starting to make plans with friends.

“Lockdown ending gives us a lot of options about how we want to live our lives from now on,” says Emily Hu, a licensed clinical psychologist in this article.

I’ve learned how much I like being alone during the pandemic, but I’m not going to hibernate forever. My mental health matters too much.

It’s all about boundaries.

When the World Changes

I wasn’t sure I had anything to add to the many people writing about this pandemic. Feeling loss? Boredom? Frustration? Or is there a comfort in staying home and simplifying your life?

No matter what you are feeling, your feelings are true. If there is one thing I’ve learned in my nearly 68 years (yikes), it is this: feelings are meant to be felt. Some days I am on a roller coaster.

We need to acknowledge this hard time. We are not all fine.

But we will be.

What I’m reading and listening to:

A sweet story about a child and a USPS mail carrier (LOVE this)

Podcast: Checking In with Susan David

Small Ways to Improve Your Life, Gretchen Rubin and Dan Harris

Seeing Each Other

This Too Shall Pass: Mourning Collective Loss in the Time of Covid-19.

Momma’s Day

Mom loves to have her head rubbed. When she used to go to beauty shops, she picked them based on how long the person shampooed her hair.

Alia, at a great place around the corner , not only gives fabulous shampoos, but she also begins treatment with a neck rub. Mom loved it, though she wouldn’t let Alia cut more than a 1/4 inch off her long gray hair!

Mom does seem more settled these days. She remembers for about 15 minutes, which means when she has an event that brings her joy, it is only in the moment. Experts say even that helps Alzheimer’s patients as the “sense” of joy helps keep their emotions balanced. I try not to be hurt when she forgets that I’ve spent the day with her. As long as she seems relatively stable and content, my own stress levels are lower.

Speaking of stress levels– somehow I’ve developed bouts of diverticulitis, in spite of all my good eating habits. I am hoping this doesn’t lead to surgery, but I haven’t managed to keep them from occurring. I am practicing deep breathing and belly massage to see if that helps.

I still haven’t figured out how to eat low fiber foods for the Div but eat high fiber foods to maintain good digestion! Seems impossible, right?

Once this all clears, I’m back to the FODMAP plan, which showed great promise before this all started.

For today, I am remembering meeting my sweet pal Heidi over the weekend, while I was also attending a funeral for my Dad’s brother. Seeing Heidi brought back such fun memories of when we worked together in Fredericksburg.

We picked up like we’d never been apart all those years. That’s friendship.

 

Always Learning

My dad used to work in his woodshop all the time. He made furniture and trim work around the house. And I never knew him to pass a deserted boat on the river that he didn’t drag home to re-do.

I suppose that’s why I was drawn to this workshop. I have to admit. Some of the power tools made me nervous. After all, I do have a bit of anxiety. But when I finished a cutting board I felt like I had accomplished something.

Isn’t it pretty?

Camp, Revisited

I spent four days at Life is a Verb Camp with Patti Digh last weekend. This third time was different, partly because I dragged my husband along to help me carry heavy presses and type and partly because I’ve changed.

The weekend is a safe place for everyone, regardless of personality type, gender, religion, culture, or heritage. Usually, I attend it all– the small creative workshops, the loud, boisterous talent show, the speakers. But this weekend, I listened to my heart, my head, and my stomach– all three told me to spend time away from the crowds. On one hand it was hard. I love these people. But I also have had a difficult  fall, and I knew that socializing, even with kind, good people, was not going to be easy for me.

Instead I read and wrote, walked about the camp looking at colors, and explored Hendersonville. NC. The few times I connected restored me– sharing my love of letterpress, meeting new people over meals in the dining room, and spending a few moments with poet Toi Derricotte ( joy). I wish some of these folks lived closer so we could meet in small groups!

But no regrets. I am glad I went (stopping along the way to see my “traveling friends” in Charlotte– so much fun!)

We need quiet time to examine our lives openly and honestly – spending quiet time alone gives your mind an opportunity to renew itself and create order.
Susan L. Taylor