My favorite view and time of the day. This has been a difficult three weeks in Rhode Island, my childhood home. Usually, I play, swim, eat, drink, and rest. This “vacation” has meant taking care of my mom — in so many ways.
But, I am grateful for the time with her. And I hope any decisions I must make for her will help her live a good and happy rest of her life.
So, in the morning, I walk down to the dock and breathe.
I’m craving a good night’s sleep. 
My research led me to an app that measures how you are actually sleeping, and it’s fascinating. Check out the chart from last night. The initial blip is because I set it to start before I had brushed my teeth and actually climbed into bed! But then I seemed to sleep well until 12:30, when I think David let the cat out. I did wake around 4:45. I tried to fall back asleep, but couldn’t. So at 5:30, I was up for the day.
The article pointed me to another change– sleeping in a cold room. We turned the temperature down last night, and I think that helped. I normally bundle up in my flannels no matter how hot it is. I know, I know.
After 5 nights, I get a report of some kind. Looking forward to that!
I really wish I hadn’t lost the first four+ years of my blogging. When I started this (as a running blog in 2002?)), I didn’t fully understand how I was recording a history of thoughts and feelings. But now I have at least ten years (not counting photos which somehow didn’t transfer in the early days.)
What do I know? That nothing stays the same. I have tried to remove the words “always” and “never” from my vocabulary. At 65, I’ve learned what I like about myself. And I’ve also come to terms with what I don’t. I recognize some early life events that made me who I am, and these days I forgive myself for those life mistakes that came as a result of those events.
I’m so glad I found a passion in teaching, writing, and printing. Perhaps I’ve left a small legacy in those, something that my grandchildren will enjoy learning about. These are, after all, the moments that make up a life.
This was one of the first cards I printed. I only made a handful, and I forgot about them.
But the other day, I realized I LOVE these cards. So, I”m going to set the type again and reprint. Sometimes a good idea needs to be reprised, right? It’s the way you hold my hand when I’m cold, wash the dishes every night, walk the dog in the morning so I don’t have to go out in the cold… and on and on. It’s Valentine’s Day:)
I’ve been thinking about my life lately, like who I am and when I figured that out..
The hard answer is that I don’t think I knew until a few years ago. I spent most of my life trying to be someone I wasn’t, and that’s not a pretty admission.
But I do remember the first time I experienced something that would help me on this path. I took a recertification course for teaching. I signed up for programming, and I’d never seen a computer. Back in 1985, there weren’t many, but I was intrigued.
I spent the first three weeks complaining– about the difficulty, my lack of understanding, and my frustration. And then one day it clicked and I wrote a program that worked.
From that day on, I realized I loved solving problems and being creative. I began learning again, first as a teacher and then as an instructional technology coach. When we had problems with our school network, I’d stand in front of the cables and routers, trying to figure the problems out. When I wanted to start blogging, I called the only teacher in the county I knew who was doing it: Will Richardson. We installed Manilla software on the server, and we were up and running.
When the school needed a webpage, I taught myself HTML. When my second computer died, I finally learned how to trouble shoot it myself instead of following the directions to reformat (and lose) everything. I began connecting with others online, learning both how to be a better teacher and how to use the power of a group. A few years ago, I decided to explore letterpress printing. Because I’d learned to build a community online, I knew I could reach out and get help. Now, three years later, I am printing and running a small business.
I say this not to pat myself on the back but to point out how long– 45 years– it took me to learn that I love being creative. I love to learn. I love change.
The last few years I’ve embraced the idea of solitude and quiet, realizing that more than anything, I like to be alone. And that’s ok.
My wish–for my grandchildren and for all the children–is that they learn about who they are and what they want from life at an early age. This comes from play, long talks, empathy, and kindness. Wouldn’t it be lovely if children spent the first few years of school learning to get along and getting to know themselves instead of being pounded with homework and stress?
From Will: It would make more sense to focus simply on nurturing and supporting the learning mindsets that kids already bring with them, rather than forcing them to adopt a “school mindset” that has little connection to their real lives.
Self-acceptance, learning to ignore the ego, and loving one another, these will grow a happy life. Everything else will fall into place.
