Here it Comes Again




Do you have a “default” story you always tell yourself? Of course you do. We all do.

It took me a long time to understand and face all the stories I had buried: that women defer to men, that I shouldn’t express my opinion, that I am disorganized and lack attention to details. There are more.

These stories shape us, and as we narrate the stories in our head, send us on our journeys. I was finally able to realize where the stories had come from (culture, parents, experiences) and, more importantly, figure out how to break the cycle.

For example, I am a little disorganized. But that doesn’t make me a bad person. I have also learned to compensate. I have been a success in many aspects of my life. When I lose something these days, I try to laugh and not let myself get dragged down into “I always do this. Why can’t I be more organized?”

All this to say, I’m sure the reason I letterpress print sayings and quotes I love is the reminder to myself that I am fine. A change of thoughts translates to a change in actions. Sometimes I need to pause for a moment, shake those negative thoughts out of my head, and then I’m on my way.




Begin Again

I take pictures of sunrises and sunsets. Often. I never tire of the oranges, pinks, and blues as they blend into one another.
When I’ve had a rough week (or day), I find one of the photos and stare at it, remembering how I felt when the colors surrounded me and my breathing changed. This morning I searched for this one– a day at the beach, a slight wind in the air. As I process troublesome thoughts, I know this morning is also a moment in time, and it will pass. There will be other gorgeous sunrises, signaling a new day, another chance.

Begin again.

Not Giving Up Yet

Whew, a long few months.  It’s amazing how mom’s dementia (plus her stress fracture and UTI) and my own bout with some stomach/digestive issues have twisted my thinking and weighed me down. But I do believe that warmer weather and signs of spring are lifting me out of the darkness.

I am learning how to balance it all. John O’Donohue helps, too:

On the day when
the weight deadens
on your shoulders
and you stumble,
may the clay dance
to balance you.

And when your eyes
freeze behind
the grey window
and the ghost of loss
gets into you,
may a flock of colours,
indigo, red, green
and azure blue,
come to awaken in you
a meadow of delight.

When the canvas frays
in the currach of thought
and a stain of ocean
blackens beneath you,
may there come across the waters
a path of yellow moonlight
to bring you safely home.

May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
may the clarity of light be yours,
may the fluency of the ocean be yours,
may the protection of the ancestors be yours.

And so may a slow
wind work these words
of love around you,
an invisible cloak
to mind your life.

From OnBeing

For One Who Is Exhausted, a Blessing

When the rhythm of the heart becomes hectic,
Time takes on the strain until it breaks;
Then all the unattended stress falls in
On the mind like an endless, increasing weight.

The light in the mind becomes dim.
Things you could take in your stride before
Now become laborsome events of will.

Weariness invades your spirit.
Gravity begins falling inside you,
Dragging down every bone.

The tide you never valued has gone out.
And you are marooned on unsure ground.
Something within you has closed down;
And you cannot push yourself back to life.

You have been forced to enter empty time.
The desire that drove you has relinquished.
There is nothing else to do now but rest
And patiently learn to receive the self
You have forsaken in the race of days.

At first your thinking will darken
And sadness take over like listless weather.
The flow of unwept tears will frighten you.

You have traveled too fast over false ground;
Now your soul has come to take you back.

Take refuge in your senses, open up
To all the small miracles you rushed through.

Become inclined to watch the way of rain
When it falls slow and free.

Imitate the habit of twilight,
Taking time to open the well of color
That fostered the brightness of day.

Draw alongside the silence of stone
Until its calmness can claim you.
Be excessively gentle with yourself.

Stay clear of those vexed in spirit.
Learn to linger around someone of ease
Who feels they have all the time in the world.

Gradually, you will return to yourself,
Having learned a new respect for your heart
And the joy that dwells far within slow time.